December 2010 The Expat Telegraph published an article I had written called Thoroughly Modern Expats.
For a number of years following I was a regular monthly columist for them.
Reading through the original articles that I submitted recently, I was taken by a) how relevant many of them still are today, and b) I had no online record of them of my own.
So I have added the original submissions to this blog, so if you want to read more of them just search for telegrapharticles, and while you are at it you may want to search for expatarticles as well to see other columns I wrote in the past for various newspapers in Spain.
As I write this I am exhausted which really wasn’t the state of affairs I imagined when we embarked on this expat lifestyle here in Spain.
The reason for the exhaustive state? We recently had house guests for a week, and if they think a week is a long time in politics then try being an expat with a house guests for a week!
Don’t get me wrong it is generally always nice to have friends over, but these were the first of the year, and more than anything it means the ‘Remember Me’ season is once more upon us, when friends that you had lost touch with, but conveniently found you again on Facebook, start dropping hints that they had always fancied a holiday in your part of the world, times are tough but perhaps we could always stay with you, and it would be a great opportunity to catch up after all these years and for you to meet the children.
The problem is that these aren’t ‘holidays’. When you go on holiday you book into a hotel or rent an apartment, you source your own food either through self catering or going to a restaurant, you take your kids out with you in the evening or pay for a babysitter, you hire a car, and pay entrance fees at tourist attractions (or at the very least buy the tour guides and books that explain everything).
Last week I was: cook, chamber maid, taxi driver, tour guide, translator and for one bizarre evening babysitter so the parents could go out on their own as it was ‘their holiday as well’. I visited tourist attractions for the millionth time, ate in restaurants I would never normally frequent, at times of the day when I never eat, and watched TV soaps that I had forgotten existed.
I only have myself to blame. Everybody that I have spoken to that lives abroad says the same thing: there is nothing like living abroad to make your old friends get back in touch. Conventional wisdom used to be that the first couple of years were the worst, and after that the visitors tailed off, but then again that was back in the day of real friends, the 10 or so people you were genuinely close to that you wanted to see again, to keep in touch with, to be part of their lives.
We are now in our 11th year of owning a property abroad, and this year already looks like it will be the ‘worst’ yet. The ongoing effects of the recession are to blame of course, but I place the largest blame on the social networking sites and all the ‘old acquitances’ that we are now back in touch with.
By far the biggest issue though is that it is a one way street for the expat. As the guests depart with promises to keep in touch, and grateful thanks for the best holiday ever you know what is coming next; the offer to stay with them when you next go home. Well intentioned no doubt, but never going to happen as well you both know, as when you do venture home on one of your infrequent visits it will, in all probability, be to stay with family, or dare I say it friends that you have stayed in touch with over the years.
But do you want to know something? I wouldn’t have it any other way! With every visitor I am reminded of exactly why we chose to live in another country, and I appreciate the opportunity to show them around the place, to meet the people I now call friends, and in some small way experience the lifestyle that we now enjoy.
The reality is that it is another example of how the expat lifestyle can change you: make your more tolerant, spend time doing things that normally you wouldn’t do (and they say a change is as good as a rest), enjoy the company of people that you otherwise wouldn’t spend time with, and after all these are all reasons many of us opted to become expats.
Before you start feeling sorry for me though, you should know that help is always at hand for the expat, either in the community that they live in, or the extended community that has evolved over the years on the internet. So whether you want to reach out for reassurance that you are ‘not alone’, or for more practical assistance the web once again is the expats best friend.
If you really can’t face the thought of your friends staying with you then one option is to steer them in the direction of Coach Surfing a creative online service which is a worldwide network for making connections between travelers and the local communities that they visit. A non profit organisation it’s aim is to “create inspiring experiences: cross-cultural encounters that are fun, engaging, and illuminating ” which in essence means that you can find a friendly sofa to crash on pretty much anywhere in the world. Great idea, but the obvious problem is how to steer your ‘friends’ to the site in the first place I suspect! Local Forums are always a good place to search for help with airport transfers, and in our part of the world you will always find someone that is happy to hand over their house for a week or so to your guests so they can pop back home, although this generally involves ‘pet sitting’ so think very carefully about this before suggesting it …… do the animals really deserve your friends being imposed on them for a week! If local forums don’t work then try sites like Mind My House, but I suspect it is a lot easier if you are able to explain to your ‘friends’ that they would be doing some of your ‘friends’ a favour, although again consider the fact that they may get on so well with this arrangement that they return every year. At least when they stay with you it gives you the chance to deter them from future visits!
In reality it may be that you just have to accept your fate in which case knowing that you are not alone may offer some comfort. The Forum Windsor Peak Press carries this inspirational reminder from Mark Twain “Houseguests and Fish, both smell after three Days”, and a story that will make many of you that have that been in this particular boat smile in empathy:
“When your child destroys a carefully decorated birthday cake made by me for my child’s birthday, not only does the child own me an apology…you do too. What were they doing near that cake you agreed to watch out for while I ran upstairs for more party supplies? When I stay up all night to replace it, it follows that I make cereal for breakfast instead of french toast. Deal with it.”
I could go on, and please don’t get me started on the ‘Friends of Friends’ scenario facing the expat. I will save that for another day, but by way of a taster will quote from the Expat Expert herself Robin Pascoe:
““So what you are saying,” said the husband, choosing his words carefully, “is that you know a friend of a friend of the girlfriend of the son of our friends.”
“Yes.”
The husband glared at his wife and was about to say something to her when the young man spoke first: “Does this mean I can’t have something to eat?””
I will close now …….. I have to go to the airport to collect some friends, wish me luck.
Please feel free to search on Google for the published versions of these columns.