Up front, to start with, for the avoidance of ANY doubt, let me be 100% clear – I am 100% against Care Homes for all cases other than those where it is medically necessary. Did I say 100% twice? Did I by any chance make myself clear?
When my time comes I want it to be in my own home surrounded by as many memories and as much familiarity as I can comprehend, a view shared by my parents for themselves, as well as by Sandra. We have letters, Powers of Attorney, Wills etc that support this view.
In the event that medical necessity dictates then so be it, but plans have been made as to how to adapt the property for my parents should that be required, and of course that then provides us with a facility as well.
Depressing isn’t it to have to think that far ahead, and hopefully the plans will never be needed, but trust me I would rather be prepared and have had the discussions while we all understand and comprehend, rather than do battle later.
I have history with Care Homes.
I had one Grandmother who when widowed packed up and went to live in a Hotel, and then when the Hotel said it was too much – officially their insurance wouldn’t cover her as she got older, unofficially they had had enough of her as she was the last of a group of permanent residents and they wanted to move away from that ‘market’- she went into a Care Home close to my parents. She was just over 60 when she went onto the Hotel, 80 when she went into the Care Home, and 90 when she died. I have a vague memory of visiting her at home when my Grandfather was alive but basically all my life visiting her was a series of one bed bedrooms (not really equipped for three adults and a child to socialise), mediocre hotel restaurants (at east when she moved into the Care Home she was close enough for this not to be an issue), and old people everywhere you turned. At best we got 3-4 hours with her every month, so in reality I had no relationship with her, have no fond memories.
My other Grandmother lived at home until her last days, despite being blind and in poor health, and whilst she stopped being a joy to visit she remained feisty and engaged until the last, and was very much a character I had loved visiting and holidaying with. Importantly she was surrounded my familiarity and memories and it remained possible for old friends to visit – although those that did were pretty rare – did I say she had become feisty?
It is fair to say that my views on this have been ingrained for many years.
I write about this now because the current COVID-19 has highlighted the generally poor level of care received in Care Homes. I am aware there are exceptions, and that intent is not the motive, but I think that society has abused and misused the function of Care Homes, and we (well the people dumped in them) are paying the price.
You notice I used the word dumped?
I will stress that once a qualified medical professional says the Care Home is the right thing ….. no issues!
But I have a strong belief that caring for the elderly remains a burden for many, a stigma for others, an inconvenience for many. The downside of a Service Led economy is that society becomes accustomed to having others do the ‘dirty work’ for us: cleaning, gardening, child care, dog walking, pet grooming, cooking ….. so why not get someone else to care for our elderly.
Pass the buck, let someone else take the hassle away. Pop in every now and again to show your face (and let’s me honest a chance to flaunt your superior status), take away the nuisance phone calls …..
With the average care home stay being c450 days , and a typical care home costing £1,000 per week you are looking at a budget in the region of £65,000. Not an insignificant amount and in it’s own right an argument for informed decision making rather than ‘dumping’, but as I say we are society brain washed to throw money at problems, and in many cases it’s all going to be funded out of potential inheritance, and let’s face it, long term financial planning is not exactly our strength is it?
Convenient as it may be to believe the glossy brochures and websites, and the reassuring words from the care home managers be honest, this is a business. It’s run to make a profit. They are generally understaffed, with high turnover rates, so the chances of your loved one getting much one on one company and stimulation, especially important for those with mental health issues, is low to say the least. At a time when they require stability, familiarity and consistency this is far from ideal ….. but heh, keep looking at the brochure and convince yourself that you have done what is best.
I will happily concede that historically for many families the care home was the only viable option: as more often than not the only real alternative was to have ‘them’ live with you, and space was a genuine issue (or a convenient excuse).
These days though there are many more options: the Internet allows for remote support and monitoring, health apps provide information and alerts, online shopping removes an issue with mobility and ensures a healthy diet, private care workers at £15 per hour are an affordable option, live in carers provide 24 hour cover (and company).
COVID-19 has done nothing to make me change my mind, in fact if at all possible it has made me more sure (but as it’s impossible to be more than 100% sure that’s not really possible), and I am not talking with hindsight. We recently started to set up a range of care@home services through Marshall Innovations, and whilst COVID-19 has put them on hold, it has made me even more determined to get going with these as soon as we can. (You can read more of my thoughts and some interesting facts about Care Homes here).
And of course, this has a personal element! In addition to above experiences with Grandparents the current situation has highlighted how fortunate we are that my parents are tech savvy and embraced the use of technology (and our support) a long time ago. We already had in place Internet shopping, wedcams, video calls, WhatsApp Group. A lot we had put in place when we lived in America and then Spain so we had a head start, but I have also been helping an old family friend who’s partner is bed bound with 4 care visits a day to set up some technology based options to make life easier – they are very late adopters of the technology so it’s not easy!
Our time in Spain also highlighted the care service shortage in the UK with a lot of expats coming back to do a three week stint in care homes, then three weeks in Spain, and the greater respect and support the elderly in Spain have from the family (one of the reasons we opted to base ourselves back in UK sooner rather than later).
And of course the way the current COVID-19 situation is effecting the Care Homes is horrific, tragic, and unfortunately ‘proves the point’. Businesses run for profit rarely put enough aside for a rainy day – and it is simply pouring down at the moment -, not do minimum wage staff feel empowered to make decisions. With the NHS (until recently) closed for normal business an already at risk and vulnerable community have in effect been locked in and left to cope on their own. Is there any wonder the death rates are so high. Try telling me that many many families aren’t currently wishing that they had opted to look more seriously into care@home options.
There is much talk about how the World will be significantly different post COVID-19, which I am skeptical about, but if you change anything please think twice about condemning the elderly into a Care Home because it is best for you.
Keep Safe, Be Nice!